Loose Ends of Life

I was robbed. I have an olive green metal bucket
with a trio of snowmen painted on it. It has been
holding my spare change for nearly ten years now.
It sits near my computer. When I empty my wallet,
the change gets dumped in there. I was half-heartedly
saving the state quarters as they came out too. When
I got low on money in the bank, it was my back up bank
and emergency stash. I had another half-dozen state
quarters to deposit when I made the shocking
discovery that the bucket was empty. Not even a speck
of dust left.

What a horrible feeling! Anger and anxiety, fear and
frustration, puzzled and perplexed. I'll never know
who took it or why. One more loose end in life that
I must leave dangling while I go on with life.

There will always be loose ends in our lives. We will
have to let go of questions with no answers; give up on
problems with no solutions; accept that some mysteries
cannot be solved.

Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do
innocent children suffer and die each day? Why can't
we feed the hungry of this world? Or make peace a
lasting reality? Who did hide those Dead Sea Scrolls?
Is there really a Loch Ness monster?

The loss of my spare change pales in comparison to
these weightier matters. But it forces me to confront
some spiritual realities, I would rather avoid dealing with
all together.

What do "good" people do with anger and anxiety? How
do mature, responsible adults deal with fear and frustration?
When do intelligent and reasonable people give up on the
puzzling and perplexing things of life?

Anger and Anxiety
Anger is a tough call. We could be feeling justifiable,
righteous anger. Someone does something which hurts
us or someone we love. Anger is the natural and normal
emotional response. When we lash out with physical
violence, however, that is rarely justified – or righteous.
Physical activity – a long walk or a good workout at the
gym will help expend the energy in a healthy way.
Ranting and raving is essential for some folks though.
If done while confronting the wrong doer, this
will intensify the conflict along with our blood pressure.
Finding a safe place to scream and shout is a better
alternative, but not always possible Some people and
circumstances will make us angry. We need to think
ahead as to how we will deal with it.

Our anger could also be an adult temper tantrum.
We are not getting what we want when we want it,
and refuse to accept it with grace. Sometimes,
the storms of anger pass quickly and we apologize
for our outburst. Other times, we spend hours
complaining and condemning without remorse.
This is going to happen to the best of us, so we'd
best practice a few apologies ahead of time.

Anger can be our soul's way of giving us
courage. For anyone trapped in an abusive
relationship, the established routing is for
them to take whatever abuse – physical or
verbal – that the other person dishes out.
In order for them to break the cycle, they
must get angry enough to walk out. Fighting
back is not a wise option because the other
person has way more expertise. Feeling anger
means that the abused person is finally ready
to make positive changes.

Anger is not always a bad thing. It is a feeling
we must learn to understand and express in
healthy and helpful ways.

Anxiety can paralyze us. We can easily fall
into a rut of expecting and imagining the worst
possible outcome to absolutely everything.
This is called catatstrophising and we can become
very good at it.

On the other hand, anxiety may also help us.
It is like an alarm system warning us when
something awful truly is about to happen.

Anxiety is inevitable if we are alive and
breathing. It is a feeling which has much
to teach us, if we are willing to learn from
it. It can also imprison us, if we do not
learn how to get on with life in spite of it.

Fear and Frustration
Fear is full blown anxiety. It is what we
felt as children when we were sure there
were monsters under the bed, or lurking
in the closet at night. Many of us grew
up thinking that courageous people were
not afraid. We equated feeling fear with
being a coward. I was nearly thirty before
I understood that courage was the ability
to do what needed to be done in spite of
the fear one felt. Like anxiety, fear can
cripple, paralyze and imprison us if we
let it. Like anxiety, fear can alert us of
danger and help us to avoid harm.

Fear is an inescapable reality for living,
breathing human beings. It is another
emotion which we need to be able to
express and explore, without letting it
prevent joy and happiness for any longer
than it must.

Frustration can undo us in a heartbeat
no matter how mature and responsible
we think we are. Have you ever been
done in by a childproof cap? Have you
been heard uttering four letter words
while trying to follow the instructions
and assemble a child's toy on Christmas
Eve?

Frustration is also an inevitable
and inescapable human emotion.
I find it best to walk away from whatever
is causing it and come back again later –
cool, calm and collected. Or, better yet,
call someone else who has better skills
than I do for the task at hand.

There are times, when our frustration
will force us to admit defeat and give up.
These occasions serve the spiritual purpose
of keeping us humble. I don't know why
God designed life this way. Another
loose end with which we must learn
to live.

Puzzlement and Perplexity
These qualities are assets, unless we
expect life to be free of loose ends.
Curiosity about how things work and
why things happen means we will keep
on learning as long as we are alive.
Our inability to completely understand
how things work, or to answer why
things happen the way they do, means
that we will hit the brick wall of frustration
from time to time. When we are puzzled
and perplexed, we may also fear what
we cannot understand or control. When
we are puzzled and perplexed, we may
respond with anger and anxiety at the things
we do not understand and/or have no
control over.

For a few weeks, the mystery of who took
my spare change will preoccupy my thinking.
Meanwhile, I'll start saving my pennies,
nickels and dimes again, double check the
locks on my doors and windows and let
the whole thing fade into the web of loose
ends woven into my life. It will take time
to let go of it and get on with life without
thinking of it. But sooner or later, this loose
end will blend in with all the other loose ends
I expect God to tie up when we meet face
to face. Until then, I'll just keep racking up
those loose ends one day at a time.